On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I think I heard a faint voice calling my name that day; it all actually began with that. 

‘Deb!’… This time I heard it a li’l more clearly. I don’t have the foggiest idea of where I was then, but the voice was clearly a familiar one. 

‘Why weren’t you responding, Deb…’ she trailed off, panting as she ran to me. I steadied myself and braced for impact (if you know what I mean!); after all, she was my crush! Sensing my nervousness instantly, her pace slowed down to a walk, giving me precious time to gather my thoughts. I had decided to ask her two questions: ‘How’s life?’ and ‘Are you free today, in the evening?’, and all this was decided in the additional two seconds that her slowing down had given me. 

As always, things never went the way I wanted them to. I mumbled and stammered a feeble ‘H-H-Hey!’ trying not to make any eye contact (I am an introvert and eye contact is the last thing I want). Shuffling her bag and tossing her golden hair gently, she looked at me and returned a cheerful ‘Hiii!’. To be honest, it felt better than the moment I had got full marks in ESE. 

I waited for a second, and in that short interval, three questions popped in my mind. First, “Why did she run to me?’. Second, ‘What was she searching for, in her bag?’. And third, (the one that had given hope to many), ‘Was there a chance that she has feelings for me as well?!’. She then took out a notebook and handed it to me. Wearing the infectious smile she usually had (introverts are resistant to that viral or bacterial or whatever infection), she said ‘You had left it under your desk while leaving the class’. That answered the first 2 questions that had popped in my mind earlier. Not taking my eyes off my notebook, I took it and thanked her, with a stifled smile. ‘You’re welcome!’, came an instant chirpy reply. 

As she turned to go back to the cycle stand, I mumbled a barely audible ‘How’s life?’. Thankfully, she was close enough to hear it and replied a cliche ‘Sab badhiya’ (All’s well) and added an unexpected ‘How’s yours?’. I hadn’t expected a return of fire from her side and had no idea what to answer. I ended up blurting an uninteresting ‘chal rahi hai…’ ( it’s going on…). Definitely not a good start, I thought. That apart, I somehow gathered tons of courage and asked her ‘Are you free today, in the evening?’. I wonder how a guy like me, who had struggled to even ask the teacher ‘May I go to the washroom?’ in school had completed the previous question in one go. She seemed thoughtful for a second or so, before she replied ‘Yes, I am. At about 6. Why?’. I thought of playing safe and asked her for a casual meeting, over coffee (I chose it because it seemed to be the official girls’ favourite!). ‘If you’re fine with it, can we meet for a coffee then?’, I asked her, taking care to sound neither too excited nor too flat. She said ‘Yeah, sure! I love coffee.’ ‘Great. See you at the Banyan Tree Nescafe then?’, I said, sounding confident for the first time in the conversation. She agreed and then we parted ways with a ‘See you, then’. The whole thing had taken a total of 84 seconds and yeah, I am stupid enough to keep a count of event durations. 

I walked to my cycle and boy… I must say I had butterflies in my stomach. I had no classes in the afternoon that day. Soon after lunch, I found myself reading answers of questions like ‘What should I ask my crush in my first meeting?’ and the likes on Quora. I had whiled away the entire afternoon grinning and imagining scenarios after reading some answers. I had rehearsed questions and also her expected answers and before I even realized, it was 5 pm.  I washed my face, trimmed and wore a maroon t-shirt ( Out of her 14 photos on Facebook, she had worn maroon 6 times, more times than any other colour). As you could observe, I had done my homework well (and then I remembered I had an assignment to submit, the next day but then… who cares). 

I decided to walk to Nescafe, as it was somewhat unsettling to ride a cycle for my first rendezvous with her (Actually, I was more worried about crashing my cycle into other cycles in my excitement). I reached the banyan tree at 5.55 pm and waited patiently. At 5.58, I decided to sit down and wait. Standing would probably make her feel that I was too excited. 

At 6 pm, dot, I heard a voice calling my name. The only difference was that it was calling my full name. ‘Debabrata Malik, 118ID0409’ someone called; definitely not my crush’s voice. And then someone shook me from behind whispering ‘Bhai, attendance de…’ (Bro, give your attendance…). By the time, I had got up from my surreal dream and realized that I had dozed off for the 69th time this sem, sir had reached 118ID0412. I waited for sir to finish the roll call. I wasn’t able to choose whether to laugh at myself for dreaming so vividly in the class or to cry at the whole episode not being real. At last, the roll call was over and the amicable prof gave me attendance. As I came out of LA and walked to the cycle stand, I wondered if my crush would actually turn up and run to me. But hey, hey, hey.. all my notebooks were in my bag. Time to leave some of my notebooks here and there, I thought and grinned sheepishly. 

P.S.: All the characters portrayed here are fictional. Resemblance to real life persons, if any, is purely coincidental. LA is Lecture Hall Complex-A ; ESE is Environmental and Safety Engineering aka CE1500.

P.P.S.: I do leave behind notebooks sometimes. Please do return them to me, regardless of who you are.

Signing off,

Debabrata Malik

A creative writer and a designer-in-the-making:)